When we are grieving sometimes opening our eyes is the only thing we can do. We don’t feel like doing anything, right? We just want to curl up into the proverbial fetal position and rock back and forth.
On Sunday my mother contacted me that she was in the ER with my step-mom, her wife. Without going into a long, drawn out story…. she suffered a massive stroke caused by a blood clot, she coded 7 times and the hour and a half it took to stabilize her caused irreversible brain damage and she finally passed on Valentines Day.
I was able to go to the gym on Monday and then I was finally able to get back to it tonight.
I cried both times. As a matter of fact, I cried most of the way through the WOD this evening.
Why? Endorphins. Extra stress leaving my body. Pain that I was feeling for my mom being released with each rep. Listening to the kindness of my class mates cheering me on. Some knew what had been going on and some didn’t.
I find solace in working out. It keeps me grounded. I enjoy the camaraderie. I love the release and knowing that I’m still working towards my goals.
I was definitely not at my best, definitely not 100%…. everything hurt, I wanted to stop, I wasn’t focused…. it was definitely not easy. I got through it. The whole thing.
When we grieve we tend to want to withdraw. I suggest you don’t. Go to the gym. Get a hug or two from people who might know what is going on. But… most importantly.. go to the gym. Work out like you’ve always done.
In order for me to take care of my mom during this really hard time.. I MUST take care of myself. That includes working out. I’m thankful for my 13 Stripes family. Knowing they building is there… is open… is ready to welcome me back to the mat.. is comforting beyond belief.